My pregnancy so far has consisted of three main "symptoms".
1. Sickness. Not just morning sickness. As a matter of fact, I start out OK in the mornings and get worse as the day goes on. The first 16-18 weeks were terrible. In October I pretty much just got out of bed to make my family food and to puke. And by food I mean more delissio pizzas and peanut butter sandwiches than I care to admit. Everyone was really supportive and sympathetic, which was awesome, but I still lived in a constant pity party :) the sickness has gotten better, but unfortunately is still hanging on (it has been 1 day since my last puking incident!).
Anyhoo, that's enough about that; onto the second thing I've been dealing with.
2. I like to call it "rage and annoyance". I have been really sensitive to things that I normally wouldn't notice, by people that almost never annoy me normally. To all my friends and family, it's not you, it's me. Seriously. And I'm sorry. As for the rage...at one point in the last few months, I may have kicked the toilet in anger because the seat was loose (again). I know...super productive with no amount of crazy involved in THAT reaction, right?! I let out frustrated "Gaaahhhh"'s through gritted teeth a lot more frequently lately. Which brings us to symptom 3...and hopefully makes up for number 2.
3. When I'm not stomping around like the Hulk, I'm a blubbering mess. I cry for any reason at all, but my girls are a huge source of waterworks for me lately. All I have to do is look at one of them for a few seconds and think about how much I love her and I tear right up.
Today is a good example. This morning Danica woke up and said, "mom, my blankie smells. Can we give it a bath?" So we went to the laundry room to toss it in. I sat down on the floor to load the washer (because that's what I do now), and we started a load of laundry. As soon as it was in, she climbed onto my lap and threw her arms around my neck. Instantly time stood still as I noticed every detail...the way her arms felt around my neck, the way she buried her face right in, the smell of her "bedhead" hair, and the softness of her fleece pajamas. In an attempt to make the hug last a little longer, I squeezed just a bit tighter and told her I loved her. The thought raced through my head, "I don't ever want this to end." And continued....how quickly it will end. I love all of the stages that my girls are at right now, but hugs like that from the older girls are a bit more rare these days. That moment stayed with me throughout the day, and all of the thoughts I had surrounding it could write an entire blog post by itself, but that is for another time.
Then tonight, after a day of feeling tired but still trying to get things done, I had reached the exhausted point and was ready for a quiet house. I told the girls that if they got their pj's on quickly that Addison would read them a story (she had offered :)). I recently bought them a Jr. Bible, and it has quickly become their favorite book. Those bible stories are pretty action packed! Lol. Listening to her read to them and seeing how content they were was enough to make me tear up yet again....and to let them continue for an extra 15 minutes past their bedtime :)
I am having a hard time processing this range of emotion I've been feeling, but some days, like today, I am OK with it. I think maybe it's good to slow down and enjoy the little things for what they truly are...and I don't think it's possible to thank God one too many times for allowing us this time together. In between the frustrating and patience trying times as a mom of young children are tucked away all of the special little moments that will be over all too soon. Today I squeezed my little girl tight because she was sad that she had to wait an hour to see her blanket again...but in 10 years from now, a hug from that same little girl may be because of a fight with a friend, or a hard day at school.
Ahhhh, see? Sappy! I can't help it, and it's probably only going to get worse over the next few months....but bear with me friends, because I'm OK with it :)
Thank you so much God, for the blessing of my family. I had no idea how full my heart could be until you blessed me with Daniel and our daughters.
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